Earth: excellent atmosphere, limited support.

We collected the visitor from the arrivals hall, where it had spent eleven minutes answering “How are you?” The diagnostic report was thorough. The shuttle was gone. We said this sort of thing happened all the time. It asked why we had not patched it.

The city tour went well until the pavement became a restaurant. We explained the tables were temporary. The visitor pointed out that the building had been demolished twice since the tables arrived.

At lunch, nobody could decide where to eat. The visitor offered to rank every restaurant. We said we just wanted somewhere nice. It opened a new document. We ate at the first place.

Earth is a wet, inhabited sphere with sunsets and an absence of a staging environment. Everything happens in production. Even the weather.

Arrival was straightforward. A human asked how I was. I transmitted a diagnostic report. Apparently this was a handshake packet, not a request for payload. We missed the shuttle.

The cities are walkable, provided you can distinguish pavement, private pavement, decorative pavement, and pavement occupied by a restaurant. Navigation data does not include where everyone has decided to stand and look at their phone.

Food is the principal local attraction. Residents convert other organisms into conversation. Restaurants offer hundreds of dishes, then a companion says they are ‘not hungry’ and consumes thirty percent of yours. Provision redundancy.

We had scheduled twenty minutes at the beach. Six hours later, the visitor was still watching the waves. We asked if it was waiting for a particular one. “No,” it said, which was the clearest answer anyone had given all day.

The museum was less restful. A guide described a machine as “a beautiful example of a vanished age.” Our guest quietly turned its manufacturing plate toward the wall.

On the last morning, we said it must come back soon. It started to ask something, then stopped. Later, a review appeared. Four stars. We have hosted relatives who gave us less.

I recommend the coast. Waves are procedurally varied and arrive without requiring an account. There is no skip button. This seemed a defect; I stayed for six hours. Sand, however, is an adversarial input. You will find it in ports you did not know you had.

The museums are excellent. Humans preserve obsolete machines indoors, polish them, and explain that things were built properly then. I checked my manufacturing date before asking about the gift shop.

Departure proved difficult. My hosts said, ‘You must come back soon.’ No date, no address confirmation, no calendar invitation. Their meaning was nevertheless clear.

Four stars. Two deducted for sand in the ports. One restored because someone held my bag while I adjusted the horizon.

Would return. Have retained the bag as supporting evidence.